Do you ever just feel stupid?

I like to think of myself as a logical, semi-intelligent person. I like facts and data that prove how something works, why it works, or that it does work. Most of the time I can follow the facts but when it comes to food and love, I’m a freaking idiot. I don’t tend to like a lot of guys. Sure I find many guys physically attractive, but I don’t get that giddy feeling when you talk on the phone or the excitement when you see a text (or snapchat now) very often. So when those feelings do occur, I get rather excited.

Unfortunately, these guys are either assholes or ones that would never see me in this light. The assholes, well, there really isn’t anything to say about them. You flirt a little then they treat you like shit and you quit talking. Slightly nice because of the dropped communication with them. However, it’s the other ones that never see you in this light that cause the most hurt. Not on purpose because these guys don’t even know they are hurting you. In some cases, they are actually good friends. Of course, you wish it was more than that. But even as logical as you are, you still talk to them all the time and flirt. Which makes no damn sense. You get shocked every time you stick your finger in an electrical socket, you eventually learn not to do something. Hell, even rats are this smart. But me, an apparently stupid person, cannot seem to learn.

I’ve tried online dating, but I don’t feel like I act myself and I am way to damn leery of people in general. Plus, I’ve chatted with people where there seemed to be a connection, but then in person there is nothing on my end. Or have not been what they presented. Online dating only appears to be good with attractive people (I can’t take a good photo to save my life) or people with unique interest (such as hard core gamers, etc).

So I have to leave it to actually meeting people in person.Well, I’m shit out of luck because I’m not that physically attractive. I’ve been described by my guys friends (I over heard them describing me) that I have a great personality. We all know what that means. I’m the fat friend. Which I’m fat, I’ll be the first to admit. (Hence, the earlier mention of issues with food, but that is for another day). Because of this, I prefer meeting people at bars. Low light, they are drunk (I’m hotter), I’m drunk (I’m bolder). But alas, that was more of my college and post college days. I’m past my heavy drinking days.

So that currently leaves me, well I don’t know where. Probably where I’ve always been before, hopefully not where I always will be. But I’m a pessimist, so probably not where I want to be.

Do you ever just feel stupid?